feeling empty

Saturday night I felt very content, Sunday was on and off, but these past two days ... I feel rather void and discouraged. I think I might just need some patience right now ... or maybe I need to become more observant to what may be the voice of God. I want to hear Him (when He is not being silent with me), and I want a relationship with Him, and to follow in the ways of Jesus ... but what does that look like? Is there a certain feeling that is associated? I feel very lost and confused. I don't know what's going on right now.

surrendering

Surrendering to God is not easy ... but I made the decision to last night. One of my friends / an LTS here talked with me for around an hour (which I truly thank him for), and I prayed to God, giving up my life to Him. I recognized that the way I was living before was getting me nowhere, as my days were spent in waves of meaninglessness. I have so many questions about God, questions in general, doubts ... it won't be easy, but I need something that is greater than myself. I am striving for a growing relationship with God, and to follow in the ways of Jesus Christ. I know I will mess up numerous times, I understand that I will never reach perfection. But I want for my life to have meaning. Last night / today, my thoughts have shifted quite a bit. I already seem to be focusing on God more, and I've been thinking about Him / praying today. I feel content in a sense, content that I am starting at a new point. I feel uneasy at the same time ... I don't know what's coming for me. Following God doesn't automatically equal a happy and blissful life, as pain is unavoidable. But meaning is so crucial ... I don't really know how to end this, as my thoughts are all over the place right now ... but for those reading, thanks :)

the opportunity to be ridiculous

Yesterday was the first Cornerstone event, and it went very well. I think that those who attended enjoyed themselves quite a lot. I definitely did ... basically stayed in that small room from 8:00 pm - 11:45 pm. However, the actual event only lasted from around 8:00 - 10:00. The evening started out with some Electronic / Dance music playing from an iPod, where people were just dancing and having fun. I don't really know how to dance, and I'm pretty laid back most of the time, so I just sat on the floor and observed the odd actions of these people. It was hilarious! Haha, some of the moves that these people had were ridiculous. After that, there was some live music. The first songs were upbeat and non - serious (in which there was some awesomer crowd surfing). After that there were games, one of the LTS shared their testimony, there was some worship music, and then people had the opportunity to hang out in the room, while some music was playing. Most people left at around 10:00 pm, but a few people (including myself) hung out in the room until about a quarter to 12:00 am (as fore mentioned in the second sentence). In essence, it was mostly acting, singing, and playing musical instruments in a comical fashion. I was deemed as being a "princess" by the chef here, who deemed himself as being the "rock star". He honed the microphone for quite awhile and provided many good laughs. I did lots of cartwheels, headstands, random forms of running, jumping over chairs and couches, and even pretended to be Luigi from the Super Mario games at one point. It was crazy. I feel exhausted today from acting so odd ... hahaha, I don't really know what causes me to behave in such a way. I mean, I'm usually pretty calm (I hope) ... but sometimes I just feel like being ridiculous, since I have the opportunity to be ridiculous. Afterwards though, I usually feel kinda guilty ... was I too ridiculous to the point of being irritable towards other people? I wouldn't want to cause that, I was simply acting strange. Hmmm ... all in all, I enjoyed Friday.

The 4th Week of October

This week we have two guest lecturers, which I enjoy, as this gives more variety to the classes. One of them is a pastor at one of the churches in Duncan (who is speaking on Job), and the other is a Scotsman who speaks in a rather entertaining accent (who is speaking about prayer). Prior to hearing him speak, Steve (the principal of the school) told us that he was a fan of the word "amen". Steve was definitely right. During the first part of his first lecture, he kind of got the students into the habit of saying it. Now, after so many of the phrases that he speaks, people will say "amen" to it. In fact, it's pretty much gotten to the point where I can guess when others are going to say the word. I find it all to be rather droll and humorous. Apart from the classes, this Friday is Cornerstone (the outreach that I joined), and I'm looking forward to seeing what that evening will bring.

Song of the Day: Forever Changed - "Knowledge"

Missing

I miss home, and pizza hut, and personal space right now. Might sound boring, but being an introvert, who greatly enjoys food, and being at home, these are some of the things that I am missing right now. Today will be spent searching for the book I lost that I need to read, using the Internet to my advantage (since we have it all day today), listening to some music, possibly reading the book if I can find it, and ... I'm not really sure what else. 

Album of the day:

UnderOath - The Changing of Times 

Venture: Mount Washington

This past weekend I went on a venture with 14 other students. Our destination was Mount Washington where we laughed, chilled, danced, and did a little bit of exercise (it was mostly a time of kicking back, which was great). There were only 4 guys on the trip, so we each got our own rooms which was stellar. They even had TVs, along with VHS / DVD players. My room had two doors inside of it, but I couldn't figure out what was on the other side because they were locked. I was a little disappointed as I am a rather curious person. Here are some pictures from the walk ...

letters, headaches, and outreaches

Hey there ... so, here are some updates ... I wish I could say that in a more creative way, but I can't really think of much right now. Anyway ...

• I have obtained a pen pal from Penelakut Island (which is pretty close to Thetis). Therefore, I will be writing to a Grade 2 boy from Penelakut Elementary School each week
  
• I joined one of the outreaches offered by the school, which is called Cornerstone. It is going to take place right here at the Harbour, offering a time for the students to get together on Friday nights and hang out. I signed up for media, so I'll probably design some posters for it and stuff like that
  
• I have had a headache for the past 4 days, and I feel strange. Feeling quite dizzy, and I think I may have a bump on my neck ... it hurts quite a lot, and my whole body kind of hurts. Some shakes too ... yeah, not feeling that good right now
  
• I will be heading out on a venture tomorrow (Mt. Washington Trek and Veg) ... I think it's gonna be a nice and relaxing weekend 

Glass Secretorum

This is a poem that I wrote recently ...

I wander down a thousand paths
Just to end up at the place where I began
It’s like I’ll never know
What everyone else seems to understand

My feet are burning
from the acid on the floor
and my heart fell down
from the weakened cage
that used to hold it

The world keeps its secrets from me
as they speak to one another
through a glass case that is too sharp
for my dull mind to comprehend

I’m so tired of trying to see you through
When you’re dressed in ambiguity
My search is constant
 The veil you hide behind is unrelieved

And when I feel like I finally know you
my knowledge drifts away
like the coloured leaves of Autumn
My questions stay the same

one less addiction

Yesterday was the first day of work day, and I would have to say that it went okay. My job yesterday was to help with cleaning kayaks and canoes, which sounds quite easy, but it actually took pretty long. We had to place them onto a trailer and take them to another area, which took some time. Anyway ... my clumsiness definitely proved itself to me yesterday. It started out with a small cut on my finger, which I hurt on a piece of one of the canoes, which then turned into cutting my leg on some random thorny branch, which eventually scaled into tripping on a boat trailer, and falling onto my back. Oh, and my shoes got soaked too from working on the dock. Hahaha, it was actually hilarious (at least, to me). I don't mind getting messy from the job, and I find it to be rather funny and satisfying.
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This has been my addiction lately ... these are some left over No Name, Regular Ripple Cut chips, that were not consumed during the venture from last weekend ... and now they are in our cabin! It makes me kinda happy ... food is so interesting.

 This is my leg after the work day ...

Song of the Day: Embodyment - One Less Addiction (Acoustic Version)

newly familiar surroundings

This is a collection of some pictures that I took around the campus today